Time for Falling...

It's cheesy, I know, the title and yet it's fitting for the season and the reason.

Day by day I am falling in love with my life again.  Funny thing is that I didn't even really realize that I had fallen out of love.

I was too busy driving to soccer and swimming and soccer and rowing and soccer and guitar and soccer and basketball and soccer to realize that I was also driving myself into the ground.  I was too busy to think. With adrenaline riding side-saddle I planned events and executed them with precision. I managed to be in three places at once; to make sure bags were packed; water bottles filled; to home make lasagnes; to shop and shower and dress but I failed to show up.

I was too busy mentally pre-planning bedtime; lunches; practices; games; life; that I was too busy to live it. Thankfully there were days when I snapped out of my self-imposed walking coma long enough to absorb and enjoy but they were too few and too far between for me to take pride in this.

It is only now that I have waded through the hazy days and made it to the shore on the other side of summer, and soccer, that I recognize myself.

In recognition of this, I have made a momentous decision. This year, no rep soccer.  No soccer of any kind until spring. Guitar - yes because it requires more from the player than it does from me. Swimming - no because in spite of my strong feelings about it my little swimmer loves swimming but some of that love gets lost when it comes to lessons.

I already feel the shift. We are laughing more and playing more together.  There is more time for long dinners and visits from friends.  There is time for cuddling and family movies and laying on the couch.  There is time to watch baseball and go to the driving range and the library. There is time to walk and get lost in our new neighborhood. There is time for me to sit and listen, really listen and not just critique, my budding musician. There is time for me to shoot hoops with my bballer instead of just waving goodbye as he heads to the court. Time to teach the young one to ride a two-wheeler; to get on my own bike and ride alongside. Time to strap on my roller blades and stretch before placing one foot in front of the other and feel the solid earth roll past beneath me, to push harder and feel myself fly.

In all this time and through all these moments I feel myself breathing. I feel myself falling in love again with motherhood, with my body, with my life and myself.