Happy Birthday

Happy Nineteenth Birthday Kiddo!

It's hard to imagine now but there were days I wasn't sure we were both going to make it to your third, fourth or fifth birthday but here you are, 19 and we are both still going strong.

As many days as there have been when I wanted to strangle you, there have been so many more that I have been so grateful that I didn't.  Not just because of the jail time, but because of the young lady you are.

In spite of the homeschooling that many thought would ruin your chances at a future, you survived the transition from home to dorm life, made a boatload of new friends, made it through your first illness without me and managed not to spend every penny you had. Thank you for the countless phone calls you made home as you walked across campus from one class to another.

Year two brings new excitement with your first apartment and room mate. With so many of your friends renting in the same building living off campus will have many advantages of last year.  Cooking for yourself should be interesting. I'm glad you know how and I hope you stay motivated to do it well. 

Now that you can legally drink, I hope you never try to find yourself at the top or the bottom of any bottle.  I pray that whether marijuana becomes legal or not you remember that your body and brain are better off without them.

I am honoured that you invited me to share a Birthday Brunch with you. I suspect that as time moves forward I will begin missing more and more of your ordinary moments which has made this summer that much sweeter. I hope I am always invited to be for the big things.

You love well, I'm glad you at least learned that along the way.  Your friendship with Abby has been almost as long as your life and I'm glad to see that it continues.  Two years with Vincent hasn't changed you much.  I am happy to know he treats you well and, as always, will be watching to ensure  that continues. 

Advice for year nineteen... Feel pain when it comes to you. Work your way through it. I promise that no matter how deep the hole you fall in I will be madly shovelling with all my tools to extricate you but even if I drop a rope, only you can choose to grab onto it.

My heart made yours to love. If you do nothing other than that you make me proud.

Happy 19th kiddo.

Love,
Mom

Into the Light

When I saw these rocks, a question came to mind. One I had to answer for myself and one which, maybe you too would like to contemplate.

What holds you up?

As solid and heavy as these stones are, they are also stacked one atop another. Some are the foundations on which others are able to stand tall above the water. No matter how solid the rock or the foundation, still some lean.

Perhaps they were not originally placed this way.  Perhaps over time the wind, the water, have caused shifts, created crevices which needed to be compensated for. Perhaps some have even met the bough (or stern) of a boat lost in the darkness.

Regardless of the why, the question remains.

What or who provides me with a solid foundation. What or who keeps me from falling.

Like the water, my answer has shifted through time. Like the rocks, in the darkness, I can't always see what lays beneath, or what I have used to prop myself up or leaned myself into for stability.

It is not until the day breaks that I am able to look around and recognize the changes which took place int he darkness... the shoulders I am standing on... the hands that fed me... the arms that encircled me... the things and the people that saw me through.

As I look at the stones I know that like in my life, there is even more unseen going on beneath the surface of the water.

More propping, more leaning, more foundation to be unearthed and be grateful for. It's something which I continue to contemplate in hopes of discovering the truth about myself and my relationships. Recognizing my who's and what's is enlightening but also heartbreaking. It's a question which, when answered honestly, has the power to change you.

What holds you up?