He seeks me.

From deep down in my soul

He bids me Waken!

Follow! Obey!

He seeks me.

Stalks my dreams

Imbuing the with ribbons of hope

for a life not contained by

these fingers, these toes.

A life where skin

dissolves, where my light

re-emerges.

He seeks me.

From a space within

where words from lips

maintain shape,

not transforming between my tongue

and his ears

confusing who I am and what

I need.

He seeks me.

Offering 

more of Him

in exchange for

more of me...

stripping me naked

all the while calling me

Beautiful Creation!

Daughter! Beloved!

He seeks me.

Over 

the mountains

through

the valleys

in the

meadows

in the

sunshine

in the

wind

in the throws of

every storm

offering

a crevice in

His expansive hand

where I curl up and

rest

before 

rising from dreams

imbued with ribbons of hope

to seek 

Him

- Vera Patterson

Cross words

Beat me, shame me all you can

 I am the lion and the lamb

When I die you shall be free

 It is the man you kill in me

I never sinned, I never strayed

I will rise beyond the grave.

My father waits and He is pleased

that I have suffered your dis-ease 

You disbelieved that I am He

To your salvation holds the key.

Father? Forgive them one and all

On your merciful grace I call.

You were right, they all are lost

My precious blood will pay the cost

It will redeem them when it’s shed

The sacrificial lamb be bled

Father! Father! Bring me home

To sit beside you on your throne

Your will for me, it is complete

I die in glory not defeat.

My sheep? Your sins He’ll not condone

And so for them I have atoned

Come my child, sit at my feet

It’s in your need that we shall meet.

 I am your shepherd and the Light

 I will keep you through the night.

It is my blood that cleans your slate 

Young or old it’s not too late.

Tell me... whisper what you’ve done

I’ll lead you home my precious one

When you believe you are the host

for Father Son and Holy Ghost

I am the One, the Great I am 

I wait to love you all I can.

 

- Vera Patterson

The M Word...

ME

I am from love.

I am from

yes you can and

to hell with him

from struggle

from strength

from independence

from red, white and blue.

I am from figure it out
from pick yourself up

from fresh air

from late nights of

hide and seek

of truth or dare

from scraped knees

from broken bones

from the time honoured understanding

that streetlights mean go home.

I am from fistfights

from penny candy

from words written on

borrowed pages
from long walks

from double dutch
from early morning basketball

from tents pitched in backyard grass, 

hidden by trees with bare limbs.

I am from commitment
from uncertainty

from bitterness

from disappointment

from broken dreams

from freedom

from cocoon

from flight.

I am from fortitude

from expectation

from perseverance

from fire

from ashes

from behind the lens.

I am from hope

from forgiveness

from light.

I am from Love

How Do I Love Thee

Anyone who knows me knows that I believe love is the single most important thing one human being can offer another.

At 45 (soon), I can honestly say that I have offered it freely, accepted it graciously (don't overthink it) as a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, aunt, mother, friend, lover, partner, wife and questioned it rarely - until now. I don't question it's existence, it's power or it's purpose. Let me explain...

The last few years, through divorce and other family issues (aren't there always issues?) I have learned that someone loving me isn't enough and shouldn't be enough to have them take up my most precious resource - time.

I have learned to stop allowing myself to get distracted by a profession of love. To look deeper and harder at how and why I am loved. To watch the behaviors and language and ask myself if the love being offered allows me to honor who I am and what I believe in.

Not all love is created equal. Not all love is healthy. Not all love is meant to last and most importantly, not all love is love, though it may have a lot of the same trademarks.

A lot of emotional needs masquerade themselves as love, the most prevalent of which I believe is fear; fear of being alone, fear of being abandoned, fear of failure, fear of unworthiness, fear of fear.

Like most people, my kids have been the easiest people for me to love. This may be because I understand them almost as well as I understand myself. It may also be because they are still relatively young. I know that my love for them is unconditional. It will exist long after I do.

Not everyone believes that conditional love is love, but I do. It's important for everyone to know their limits, to decide what they will and will not tolerate infesting their world. If I can answer the how's and why of the love others offer me, I can decide if I want to open their gift. Do they cheat, lie, dismiss, ignore and call it love? Do they want to control, manipulate and demean someone else?

Perhaps you sense pessimism or bitterness, I have neither. I am eternally optimistic and incredibly open to whatever gift of love the universe brings to me both conditionally and unconditionally. I have been well loved and am grateful for those who love me and those who I have loved in my short lifetime.

To me, love is so much more than a word or an emotion. It is a set of values, a code of conduct, a mountain with many plateaus many of which we will not reach with everyone who crosses our path. Love is an opportunity to both offer and accept the gifts of humanity, an opportunity which sometimes comes with a price of admission and other times is beautifully free.

Either way, I don't believe time spent loving is ever wasted. It connects us to the universe and her people more securely and more profoundly than anything else can. It teaches us who we are and who we are not and if we allow it, through love's joy and pain it helps us to grow.

Worship

I want to worship
at your temple;
to sacrifice
independence
for the freedom of
your love.

I want to dance upon
your altar
until
tongues are spoken;
until the light
of revelations appear;
until your liquid
warmth soothes
the fire in my soul.

- Vera